I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
