I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
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