Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize