Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
