So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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