I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
