when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
