I have demons in me.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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