I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
