She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
