Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
