Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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