I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
