Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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