My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
