My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
