So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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