dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
