I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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