when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
