My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
