You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
