I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
