i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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