its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
