Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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