I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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