Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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