Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
