He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
