Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
