The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize