Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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