Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
