It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
