Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
