I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize