the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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