i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
as a side note pls kill me
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
