I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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