Already got asked if we're dating
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
