my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
