i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
