addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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