i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
