it's too hot outside to masturbate.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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