Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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