just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize