Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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