good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
