Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
