I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
