I wish I only lived at night.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
