Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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