this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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