You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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