their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
