There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
