he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
