Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
how drunk are you?
Several
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
