the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Randomize