My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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