She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
