He uses pillows to masturbate.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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