last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
