I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Your cock deserves a montage
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize