Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize