She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
