I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize