Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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