I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
