I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
what day is it and did you see me today?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
there is glitter all over my balls
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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