I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
There are leaves in my underwear?
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