Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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