I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
