This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
