i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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