im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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