He is such a slut. More and more my type.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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